Only in my dreams.

I had the strangest dream last night. In my dream, David and I were laying in bed. We were laying there talking, just like we do every night before bed. Only this time, things seemed different. We were laughing and joking around. All of a sudden, I said, "David, feel." I grabbed his hand and put it on my stomach. I was pregnant. The baby was rolling around in my stomach. I could feel everything. David could feel everything.

I woke up. My hand was on my stomach, but alas, nothing is in there.

Only in my dreams.

That explains a lot.

AF is here.

Wasn't really expecting her, but she's always welcome. This does explain some crabbiness on my end lately. Poor David. He got most of it. This also explains why I am so sore today. I was thinking I really hurt myself while I was painting last night.

The medication is going. I've been having some issues with the Metformin, but nothing serious. BP's good. So, we're good to go!

Cohen

Remembering Cohen. Loving Megan and Brent.

http://www.inthiswonderfullife.com/

http://sendlovetocohen.blogspot.com/

Terrible, Terrible, Terrible.

That's how I feel.

Just upped my Metformin dosage and I am paying for it.

My throat hurts from puking. I feel like I threw up a brick.

FML.

OMG

AF has arrived and she is PISSED!

I don't think I've had cramps like this in a long time. If I knew I wouldn't sweat David out of the bed, I'd sleep with a heating pad. Wait...maybe that's not such a bad idea.

My meds are still working, I guess. My BP medicine still knocks me out every.single.time I take it. I'm not talking about feeling a little sleepy and laying down to take a nap. I'm talking about taking the pill and then an hour or so later, David wakes me up laughing because I have drool down the front of my shirt and a major crick in my neck. I even fell asleep in the middle of a conversation. SITTING UP. WITH A DRINK IN MY HAND. And I sleep so long! Let's say I take my pills at 8pm with dinner, by 10pm, I fighting to stay awake. Normally, I'll go take a shower and try to get a second wind. Around midnight, we head to bed. Within 10 minutes, I'm out cold. And I sleep. And sleep. And sleep. And sleep. David's been waking me up everyday that's he's been home. That's anywhere between 11am-12pm. Yeah... that's a LONG TIME! He says he tries to wake me up around 9 when he gets up, but I don't even respond. And I don't get up at all during the 11-12 hours I sleep. When I get up in the morning, I can barely walk because I have to pee so bad. It's freakin' crazy. I know you only sleep when your tired, so I must be REALLY tired.

I've been pretty good about remembering to take my meds. I have missed a couple of doses because we'll grab a late lunch and I'll totally forget about taking my pills. I have been able to tell when my BP is up. My face gets red, I get hot, and I get a headache. Oh joy! It took me almost 2 days to figure out that my BP was causing headache. Yes, I forgot to take my pills 2 days in a row. It happens. I think I need a BP cuff and a watch that beeps everyday at dinner time.

In PCOS related symptoms, my hair is falling out like crazy. It was so bad last night, I actually cried in the shower. Just a big handful of hair. It sucks. David offered to shave my head. He said he had to offer because I shaved his the day before. Gotta love David and his sensitive side.

UGH!!!

I don't know what it is, but I just can't shake this nauseous feeling. I know it's the Metformin, but it still sucks ass. I ate one bite of soup and I felt like I was going to puke all over myself. Just the smell of food makes me want to puke. Ugh... I hate this! I know I should eat something, but as soon as I put it in my mouth I feel sick. I've tried soup, crackers, dry toast, a pop-tart, and I'm still feeling like this. As long as I'm drinking, I should be OK. Right? I hope so because nothing is going in right now.

AF is being her normal bitchy self again. She should have been here already, but she's being a bitch. And this is where I run into a problem. Should I POAS just to be sure? Odds are it will be BFN since my last blood work showed I didn't ovulate. Should I waste a test? Essentially, that all it is. Wasting a test because I know it will be a BFN.

UGH...I hate being a woman.

How I'm Feeling...

Physically - Eh. I'm not good, but not bad. I'm cramping like hell, but I'll deal. Confused. Yep... I am. One thing that confuses me is the fact that I'm not ovulating, but AF has been here and I think she is on her way back. I don't get that. The BP medicine I'm on was making me sleepy all the time, but I think I'm getting adjusted to that. I just sleep more soundly at night. The Metformin hasn't really done anything. Sometimes I feel like I have an upset stomach, but it passes. I'm guessing that once I start taking the 1000mg a day I'll see some sort of change. I have noticed that I'm not craving certain foods as much and I've been thirsty all the time.

Emotionally - I'm OK, I guess. I'm confused about all sorts of things. I'm wondering if this will turn out the way I hope it will. I've talked to David about this over and over again. We want to have a child more than anything, but the overall goal is for me to be healthy. I want to be healthy. I want to have a healthy pregnancy. So, we're taking it a day at a time. I'm so mad that my body isn't working the way it should be working. It's a natural thing and my body can't do it. It's so frustrating. IF isn't something I ever thought I would deal with. My mom had 5 kids. My Aunts on both sides of the family had at least 3 kids. What gives? Why has this fallen on me? Maybe it's just a temporary thing. Hopefully, we'll get to the bottom of it.