How I'm Feeling...

Physically - Eh. I'm not good, but not bad. I'm cramping like hell, but I'll deal. Confused. Yep... I am. One thing that confuses me is the fact that I'm not ovulating, but AF has been here and I think she is on her way back. I don't get that. The BP medicine I'm on was making me sleepy all the time, but I think I'm getting adjusted to that. I just sleep more soundly at night. The Metformin hasn't really done anything. Sometimes I feel like I have an upset stomach, but it passes. I'm guessing that once I start taking the 1000mg a day I'll see some sort of change. I have noticed that I'm not craving certain foods as much and I've been thirsty all the time.

Emotionally - I'm OK, I guess. I'm confused about all sorts of things. I'm wondering if this will turn out the way I hope it will. I've talked to David about this over and over again. We want to have a child more than anything, but the overall goal is for me to be healthy. I want to be healthy. I want to have a healthy pregnancy. So, we're taking it a day at a time. I'm so mad that my body isn't working the way it should be working. It's a natural thing and my body can't do it. It's so frustrating. IF isn't something I ever thought I would deal with. My mom had 5 kids. My Aunts on both sides of the family had at least 3 kids. What gives? Why has this fallen on me? Maybe it's just a temporary thing. Hopefully, we'll get to the bottom of it.

How Did We Get Here?

This is going to be long. You might want a bathroom break and maybe grab a snack. I guess to really explain how we got to this point, I have to go back to the beginning.

Many moons ago (2002), I decided that I wanted to go on birth control (BC). I stayed on the same BC until after David and I got married. On our honeymoon, I forgot to take 3 pills in a row and we didn't pack condoms with us. After a long talk, we decided that I would go off my BC. We weren't trying to conceive (TTC), but we weren't trying to avoid (TTA). If it happened, it happened.

Fast Forward 7 Months. After dozens of pregnancy tests and still no Aunt Flo (AF), I knew something was wrong. Not only had AF been M.I.A., but I had gained closed to 60 lbs. That's a lot of weight in 7 months. After what seems like a wasted trip to a shitty OBGYN, I was given Provera to make AF come. She came and she was seriously pissed! The only thing the OBGYN told me was that it was probably because I was coming off BC. Looking back I realize what a quack that MFer was.

AF came when she wanted to. Sometimes it was once a month. Sometimes it was every 3 months. Hell, one time she was really bitchy and came to visit twice in the same month. Let me tell you, that was a FUN month. All this time David and I weren't TTC or TTA. We used the pull-out method sometimes, but other times we went with it. Nothing ever happened and we didn't really worry.

On New Years Eve 2007, we both decided that we were ready to start TTC. We tried our hardest and nothing. AF was still her usual pissed off self. She's like one of those family members that you really don't want to see, but once they get there you're happy they came. And then after a few days, you are pushing them out the door. I didn't want AF to come. I want a big fat positive (BFP) pregnancy test. Those are few and far between though.

2008 was a rough year for us. David had just started a new job and was gone all the time. TTC became an after thought really. He was off working and that meant I was alone all the time. In that year I notice all the changes that had started happening to my body.

Let's make a list...

1. Facial Hair - I became noticing a few hairs on my chin and on my upper lip area. (Nothing a little wax or tweezers can't fix.
2. I was up almost 100 lbs for the weight I was when we got married in 2003. That's A LOT.
3. My hair was falling out like crazy.
4. AF would come when she felt like it.
5. My skin was absolutely HORRIBLE!

I honestly just figured it was hormones. I didn't worry too much.

2009 - David was still gone all the time. When he was home, we tried like crazy. Nothing happened. The day after Thanksgiving, my dad passed away. TTC stopped. Didn't really matter because AF was non-existent for almost a year!

2010 - My New Year's Resolution was to get healthy and figure all this shit out. I searched online for anything that sounded like me. I read about PCOS and thought that maybe that was it, but I wanted to be absolutely sure. I was on a search for a new OBGYN.

I was finally able to get an appointment on March 3, 2010. I was extremely nervous and didn't know what to expect at all. My last OBGYN wasn't interested it helping find an answer, so I prayed that this one wasn't the same. When Dr. S walked into the room, I knew things would be different this time. He greeted me with a smile and asked how he could help me. Ahhh... just what I wanted to hear! I explained to him everything that had been happening with my body (and I mean EVERYTHING). He listened and never said a word until he knew I was finished. He told me that he was 99% sure it was PCOS and wanted to do some tests to find out. I left there we an appointment and a Rx to bring on AF. 18 days later, that bitch was back! During this time, I learned that it was indeed PCOS and on my next visit we would discuss treatment.

May 18, 2010 - I had a follow-up with Dr. S. AF had come twice during that time :) I was excited and so was Dr. S. We discussed me going on a drug called Metformin. We decided that this was the best option. I also learned at that visit that I had high blood pressure (BP). I was given Metformin and a BP med. I was scheduled to come in the next morning for blood work to see if I was ovulating. I was 21 days into my cycle and that's the best time to check.

May 25, 2010 - Blood work results. That was a shitty day. I found out that I am not ovulating. The female body produces a hormones called Progesterone during ovulation. My level of progesterone was 0.8 when it should have been a hell of a lot higher. That explains so much! Dr. S and I talked about the options. He wanted to start me on Clomid right away, but I want to see exactly what this Metformin will do for now.

Right now we are just going with it. I'm on 1000mg of Metformin a day, but that may go up if necessary. David and I both agree that we want to see if this will help some weight come off. Neither one of us what to deal with a sick pregnancy, so getting healthy is what we're striving for. We're praying it will happen naturally, but it might not be that easy.

See, I told you that it would be a good idea for a break.

What is PCOS?

Polycystic ovary disease

Overview

Polycystic ovary disease is a condition in which there are many small cysts in the ovaries, which can affect a woman's ability to get pregnant.

Symptoms

If you have polycystic ovary disease, you are likely to have some of the following symptoms:

• Abnormal, irregular, or very light or infrequent menstrual periods
• Absent periods, usually (but not always) after having one or more normal menstrual periods during puberty (secondary amenorrhea)
• Acne that gets worse
• Decreased breast size
• Development of male sex characteristics (virilization), such as increased body hair, facial hair, a deepening of the voice, male-pattern baldness, and enlargement of the clitoris
• Diabetes
• Increased hair growth; body hair may be in a male pattern
• Infertility
• Poor response to the hormone, insulin (insulin resistance), leading to a build-up of insulin in the blood
• Weight gain, or obesity

Treatment

Medications used to treat the symptoms of polycystic ovary disease include:

• Birth control pills
• Clomiphene citrate
• Flutamide
• Spironolactone

Treatment with clomiphene citrate causes the pituitary gland to produce more FSH. This causes the egg to mature and be released. Sometimes women need stronger fertility drugs to get pregnant.

In women with polycystic ovary disease who also have insulin resistance, glucophage (Metformin), a medication that makes cells more sensitive to insulin, has been shown to make ovulation normal.

Losing weight (which can be difficult) may help to reduce the high insulin levels in the blood. For women with this condition who are overweight, weight loss can reduce insulin resistance, stimulate ovulation, and improve fertility rates.

Causes

Polycystic ovary disease affects hormone cycles. Hormones help regulate the normal development of eggs in the ovaries. It is not completely understood why or how hormone cycles are interrupted, although there are several ideas.

Follicles are sacs within the ovaries that contain eggs. In polycystic ovary disease, there are many poorly developed follicles in the ovaries. The eggs in these follicles do not mature and, therefore, cannot be released from the ovaries. Instead, they form cysts in the ovary.

This can contribute to infertility. The immature follicles and the inability to release an egg (ovulate) are likely caused by low levels of follicle stimulating hormone (FSH), and higher than normal levels of male hormones (androgens) produced in the ovary.

Women are usually diagnosed when in their 20s or 30s. Women with this disorder often have a mother or sister who has symptoms similar to polycystic ovary disease.

Tests & diagnosis

During a pelvic examination, the health care provider may note an enlarged clitoris (very rare finding) and enlarged ovaries.

Tests include:

• Abdominal ultrasound
• Abdominal MRI
• Biopsy of the ovary
• Estrogen levels
• Fasting glucose and insulin levels
• FSH levels
• Laparoscopy
• LH levels
• Male hormone (testosterone) levels
• Urine 17-ketosteroids
• Vaginal ultrasound

Blood tests that may be done include:

• Pregnancy test (serum HCG)
• Prolactin levels
• Thyroid function tests

Prognosis

Women who have this condition can get pregnant with the right surgical or medical treatments. Pregnancies are usually normal.

Complications

• Increased risk of endometrial cancer
• Infertility
• Obesity-related conditions, such as high blood pressure and diabetes
• Possible increased risk of breast cancer

When to contact a doctor

Call for an appointment with your health care provider if you have symptoms of this disorder.

Other info can be found here:

https://health.google.com/health/ref/Polycystic+ovary+disease

About this thing called PCOS.

First off, it sucks. Plain and simple.

There are so many women in the world dealing with this, but yet there are so many people that have never heard of it. There are women that don't even know they have it. I was one of them until the beginning of March. I had suspected that might be the problem, but I was in serious denial.

I plan to use this blog as an outlet for myself and my fight against PCOS. I want to inform other people about this disease and maybe reach out to another woman they may be having some beginning symptoms.